Spoonie Fatherhood Part 2: Your Baby Is about to arrive, how to prepare
“Wait, what? We have how many weeks until our daughter is here?” This is an actual question that will go through your head, no matter how much you’re tracking the arrival of your little one. I had a counter on my phone, we had a countdown in the kitchen, yet still, I was amazed when it was only about 4-6 weeks until Julia arrived.
At this point in the journey I was trying to process so much. I had started a new job, I was training for a race at the end of the year, I was trying to just stay healthy with my chronic illness, and oh yeah, there was something else on the horizon for me too.
We all have so much going on as Spoonies that parenting and becoming a father happens much faster than we can ever imagine when it comes to this enormous chapter beginning.
In this, the second post of my Spoonie Fatherhood series, I’m going to share what it was like in the weeks before my daughter arrived in this world, and what I did to prepare for everything that was about to happen when my world would be flipped upside down as a dad.
If you followed me before, you know I’m big into structure and routines in life. And now, living life as a dad for about 18 months, I can’t stress enough how important this is. If you’re about to be a parent with a chronic illness, you need to do everything you can to make life SIMPLE when it’s about to be anything but simple.
So where can you improve and how can you prepare for being a Spoonie Dad? Here are some things I did when the countdown got closer and closer to hitting DUE DATE.
Take A Breath
It’s amazing what stress and pressure can do to the human body. It can compound a range of both physical and mental issues, and this will happen at this time in any soon-to-be father’s life. As previously mentioned, the ups and downs of the roller coaster can be intense during pregnancy and it will impact you.
Do yourself a favor, take a step back from everything, give yourself some time, and take a breath. Doing this can equalize and balance you in so many different ways. Calming the heart, lowing blood pressure, reducing stress, and more. All things you’ll need at this crucial time before life changes.
It’s easy to get caught up on things at work, family, etc and not take care of yourself. You’ll be a better father and partner if you take a moment from time to time, and just breath (however, I don’t recommend giving this advice to your pregnant wife).
Create Structure In Your Life
When I’m in a good routine and have structure in my life, everything is easier. And the last few months before becoming a father is a great time to create concrete structure in your life before the chaos begins.
I can’t stress enough, this either will not be possible once your baby arrives, or will be infinitely more difficult when you’re getting pulled in a million different directions. So don’t wait. Think about where you can make life easier and implement it now.
Little acts can go a long way. Lay out your gym and work clothes the night before, meal prep so you can grab something on the go, get used to putting things away so areas will be cleaner, get in the habit of setting a schedule you can follow, and so much more. DO THIS NOW, you’ll be happy you did.
Don’t Think Too Far Ahead
Life is about to change in a big way. It’s easy to get caught up in everything you’re going to have to do, not only right now before your baby enters this world, but everything for the next year as well.
While I’m a planner and I think it’s important to get ahead of the game in any area of life, don’t get too far ahead of yourself at this time. Why you ask? Two reason actually.
One, whatever you plan most likely won’t happen the way you planned it. Kids are the craziest experience you’ll ever have and by FAR AND AWAY the most unpredictable. You can make a plan, and they’re going to take a nuclear bomb to it. It’s just like my training, I can train perfectly, but if I get to a race and it’s 40 degrees and raining, it’s not going to be a good day. In some ways, planning too far ahead might be a waste of your time. Just look ahead 3-4 months at a time. That’s all you’ll need.
The second, you should be enjoying these moments with your partner. Life is about to get hectic and the final months of pregnancy are usually when pregnant partner isn’t feeling too bad. Both of you should be cherishing the silence, but also taking in the love you have for each other and the love you’re about to experience. Don’t get too caught up in everything and make sure you enjoy this chapter in the journey as well.
The final weeks before our little one arrived were some of the hardest of my life. I put so much pressure on myself trying to be perfect, so much time trying to plan so far ahead, and let everything I thought that was going to be control my actions.
If I had to do it all over again, I would be so much calmer, relaxed, and enjoy moments that I most likely missed. If you’re going to be a dad, don’t let this happen to you. Take some time to process all that you can and remember there are certain things you can do now, but there is a lot that won’t matter too. You’ll have to adapt as you go, so focus on what you can, do what you can, and take it all in at the same time.
Lastly, enjoy the silence. You’ll miss it at times.
So these are the tips I had wished I had in my knowledge bank in the final weeks before Julia arrived. I hope they might help other soon to be Spoonie Fathers out there. There will always be a lot on our plate to get through on a daily basis, try to make these final days easier on yourself if you can.
What’s next in this Spoonie Fatherhood series? You’re now a dad. It’s time to learn how to adapt on the fly and juggle a ton at once.
Well, there you have it. Some advice I would’ve given myself the days and weeks after finding out that I was going to actually be a father. I can’t ever tell someone what they’ll go through when they find out they’re going to be a father with a chronic illness. These are just some things that I went through.
